I did on Sunday.
I keep re-playing an incident in my mind and wishing I could do it all over.
Matthew and I took our family to the Quad Cities to meet up with friends for a Quad Cities River Bandits baseball game. A lot of fun, catching up with friends, eating over-priced concessions and watching an exciting game on a beautiful Sunday evening.
All seemed to be going really well until the 8th inning. Immediately following the ball game, the ball club was having a promotion called the Mega Candy Drop. It is a fun event in which a helicopter drops tons (no exaggeration here) of candy over the outfield. Then all these sugar-craving kids dash to pick up as much candy as they can.
We heard an announcement that all participants should make their way to a particular area to prepare for the candy drop. Emily and Eli wanted to pick up candy, so I volunteered to take them over while Matthew watched the game finish with Megan.
All was going well. We were walking past all the tempting concessions. Kids were laughing and excited. The River Bandits were winning. The weather was perfect! People were happy.
All of the sudden, there is a commotion behind us. A man passes us while holding onto the arm of a young boy, I assume his son. The boy is crying that he doesn't want to leave the game. He looks like he is about 10 years old. The man with his is YELLING at him that they are leaving the game because the young man hit his mother.
The scene is a little disturbing, simply because of the volume level of the conversation and amount of anger that is evident on the man's face. Actually, the young man was not being loud, offensive or disrespectful. It all seemed very odd to me. I am now wondering how many beers the man had consumed.
But what happened next was above and beyond what I thought was acceptable discipline. And I have witnessed the scene over and over again in my mind, and it fills me with pain and regret.
The man was ahead of us, walking at a much faster rate than we were. The man was obviously frustrated with the boy's complaining about leaving the game. The man stopped walking, and towered over the boy while shouting in complete anger. His free hand was clinched in a fist and he looked like he was holding back from hurting the boy. His face was red and his eyes looked full of hatred. The boy cowered from him.
Then the man took his free hand and swept the boy up into his arms and carried him in his arms, repeating in a loud voice the reason for this harsh discipline. A woman behind me was pleading with someone to help the boy. The man carried the boy down the stairs and out of the stadium and I never saw them after that.
I have never seen anything like this. We've all seen parents completely frustrated. I mean, if you have shopped at Wal-Mart you will most likely witness some pretty embarrassing parenting techniques. But I have never seen such anger and hatred like that -- towards a child!
Do I believe a child be disciplined for disrespecting another person? ABSOLUTELY!
Those who spare the rod of discipline hate their children.
Those who love their children care enough to discipline them. Proverbs 13:24
“Each of you must show great respect for your mother and father." Leviticus 19:3a
And don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Ephesians 4:26a
And the part that haunts me is that I doubt this was the worst part of the young boy's day. I have a feeling that he didn't feel the consequences of this man's anger until they were in the privacy of their home. It haunts me. And I have cried for this young man.
And an entire group of spectators did nothing. I did nothing.
I prayed -- a lot -- that God would protect this young man. That this man would calm down on his drive home. That someone would stop the man. I will never know.
But the truth is -- I did nothing. I have reasons. At the time they seemed good enough, but now they seem ridiculous.
I wanted someone else to take care of the problem. Won't a security officer stop the man? You know what I realized? If this had two grown men getting into a drunken brawl, it would have been taken care of. But since this appeared to be a father and son conflict, it was dismissed. Situation looked under control. Our society allows a young man to be verbally abused by a man much larger than him because it is a family matter. This is acceptable parenting????
I wish I could have a do-over.
I wish I had talked to the man. I wish I had told him that parenting is tough, and that we all get frustrated. I wish I had told him that he could use some time to cool down. I wish I had offered to sit with his boy for 10 minutes while the man took a walk alone to cool down. I wish I had told him that I would pray for him and the young man, who allegedly had hurt his mother.
Realistically, I know it would have made no difference to the man. I am sure he would not have listened, or even heard my voice above his own. If he would hear me, he may have had responded in a long list of colorful vocabulary.
But what haunts me is that this boy might have been pleading for help. He had to be overwhelmed with fear.
I wish that I could let him know that I was praying for him, that he was not alone, that someone cared.
God, you know how many children live in constant fear. You know how many children carry bruises, whether on their body or in their hearts. You know how many children cry themselves to sleep. You know how many children don't want to go home at night. God, bless these children.
