Ok, I know the title sounds bad. I never forget about the precious three short people who live in our house. Please don't think they are victims of neglect.
I never forget that they are our children, and I love the joy and excitement they bring to our family. The truth is that sometimes I forget they are CHILDREN. I have unrealistic expectations. For some reason, I expect them to think and act like adults -- in a small package.
Why does she constantly take off clothes and just toss them where she is standing?
How can they NOT see that my hands are full and -- no -- I cannot right now fulfill a request that they are fully capable of doing themselves?
Why can't he sit quietly and color for ten minutes -- on paper -- while we finish our science lesson?
Why do they want to watch that movie AGAIN?
Why did he just come out of the bathroom at the public library without his pants and underwear?
I explained that math problem perfectly logically. How does that not make sense?
Do they really think burping is funny?
Why can't they be more careful?
Why can't they be more quiet?
Why do they not change the roll of toilet paper?
You see, sometimes I forget that we're raising children. What did I expect? That upon birth we would be introduced to mature, responsible, thoughtful babies that would be a breeze to bring to adulthood? Did I expect roommates, instead of children who need guidance? That would be too easy, too dull.
I admit that sometimes I have unrealistic expectations. And because of that, sometimes I feel like I need to correct every small offense. And I now realize that this parenting style can eventually crush the sweet spirits of our young children. And never do I want that.
I know we are instructed to discipline and guide our children. It is common-sense, but also instructed in the Bible. And in the same way, God disciplines us to help us grow! Think about it: Just as a parent disciplines a child, the Lord your God disciplines you for your own good. Deuteronomy 8:5
But discipline and correction does not mean constant nit-picking. And it can be done in a gentle way.
Colossians 3:21 says, "Fathers, do not aggravate your children, or they will become discouraged."
So, what should we do?
1. Build on their natural strengths, abilities and interests.
Ok, I know it is very unlikely that Eli will sit quietly at the table for 10 minutes and color, but I know that if I take 10 minutes to set up a train track for Eli, he'll play independently for awhile. So instead of getting frustrated, I can create a win-win scenario!
2. Pick battles and praise victories.
Sometimes I don't have the right intentions for correcting behavior. Sometimes it is just something that annoys me. Se those preferences aside and choose to correct the behaviors that really need correcting.
For instance, I expect dirty laundry to be collected in one central location. I have one sweet daughter who fails to be responsible in this area. So, I'm going to reinforce my expectations to her. And when she succeeds and gets her laundry in the laundry basket, I will make sure she knows that I noticed with a moment of praise and a hug!
3. Remember that they are only children ONCE.
They get one shot at childhood. So, let them climb a tree. Let them make a mess with the finger paints. Let them slurp their jello. Let them stomp puddles. Let them cut a piece of paper into tiny, microscopic scraps. Let them pile the sprinkles on their cookies!
Sure, I don't want to do all these things, but I DID years ago. I need to step back and let them enjoy their childhood (and then clean up the mess)!
4. Pray.
Pray without ceasing. Pray for my patience. Pray for God's hand to work in their lives.
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