Then, I found myself doing the most awful thing! I found myself comparing her with other babies. It wasn't intentional. But I would read lists of milestones and mark them off as she hit them, beaming that she was developing "early."
She could roll over before the expected milestone (although her brother now holds that family record!!). She impressed her physicians with her early vocabulary. She was an expert crawler. For some crazy reason I thought that the earlier she did things, the better. I would see other babies her age and think, "Yeah, we have an overachiever over here! You should see her . . ."
I am embarrassed to admit that I gave nearly everyone I met a resume of our child's accomplishments.
I didn't think our baby was better than other babies. But, if I were completely honest, I wanted her to be above average. I wanted her to be at the top of her "class." I wanted to see her succeed at the highest level. Logically, I know, the age at which you finally put your first string of words together to create a sentence certainly does NOT guarantee success, or failure. (Albert Einstein was a late talker, and proved that missing that expected speech benchmark did not mark him for failure!) But I always wanted her to be the best that she could be!
I can remember having these feelings -- wanting our child to be advanced. And, you know what, she was advanced in many areas of development. . There were areas (and still are areas) where she showed great growth. But, there were also areas where she brought up the rear of her age group developmentally.
Here is one conclusion I have come to after 10 years of parenting: Every child is developing in their own time!
And that is ok! And it is cool!
I wish I had realized it long ago. It would have saved me some worry. It would have spared me with unnecessary pride.
Now, I realize that, medically speaking, there are times to be concerned with slow physical or mental development. Obviously, physicians are well trained to look for warning signs. And I am thankful that our pediatricians never overreacted to some of our slow developments.
I was talking with a friend, whose first child is about 6 months older than Eli. She was concerned that her son is not interested in the alphabet. I knew where she was. All I could do was reassure her that this is NO indication that her son will not be able to read. He will. He hasn't shown interest, and that is ok. He is great at a lot of other things. Sure, it is a great idea to continue to expose him to letters. In fact, Eli loves the alphabet. But, he isn't as interested in numbers. He can recognize a few numbers, but not most. I'm ok with that. He'll get it! He'll catch up when he's ready.
So, I have decided to compare prices in the supermarket -- not children!!!!!
I am throwing out the development charts and not losing hair over when the training wheels come off their bikes. I am not worried about how long it takes to learn decimal equivalents to fractions, or whether a child stutters. I am letting go. I am allowing my children to be fully loved!
They are all different. They are all wonderful. They all have potential! They are all special.
Now that we have three children, I marvel at the new things they learn every day. But I don't sweat it anymore if they struggle with things that come naturally to some children. I want to be their encouragement to try again, and again, and again. I want them to know that there is no normal -- that we are all different and that is good! Above all, I want them to know that I love them no matter what! I love them for who God created them to be. I love their sweet spirits, not what they can or can't do!
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