I Resolve to Just Be ME!

New Year's Resolutions. Let's be honest -- they rarely last past February.

We all have good intentions. But change is not easy.

So this year, I am avoiding all the disappointment that ultimately comes with these resolutions and I am going with something that should be easy -- I resolve to just be ME!



Sounds easy. Sounds ridiculous, but for me I have struggled with who I am for years and tried to change. And some days I can pretend pretty well.

Why do I try to be someone I am not? Because I don't think my personality type fits into society. Society ignores people like me. Society doesn't find value in someone like me. And I want to fit in. I don't want to be ignored. I want to have value.

I am shy. 

It takes effort to get to know someone new. I feel uncomfortable talking one-on-one with someone. I WANT it to come naturally. I envy those who are outgoing, people who make friends faster than you can brew a cup of coffee. 

I have a small group of friends with whom I feel comfortable. And, of course, my family are my best friends. But going outside of this small circle requires effort.

Growing up I was extremely shy. I had a small group of friends in school. I never wore anyone's BFF necklace. I was teased for being reserved. I couldn't fit in. I never wanted to be popular, though. I NEVER aspired for fame and fortune! I just wanted to be able to open up to people. 

In college I made some great friends and I came out of my shell. But it has always been difficult. I WANT to be more outgoing. but it just doesn't come naturally. 

I have lots of acquaintances -- you know, more of the "small-talk" type. And I have no trouble talking to strangers that I may never see again. And I can speak in a group with ease. And, I love to be with children. But one-on-one is so stressful for me. 

Maybe it is the pressure of being rejected or not accepted. Maybe because I feel inferior. 

I am saddened for my oldest daughter because she definitely has this same personality. I try to challenge her in this area, encouraging her to be more independent of me in public. But I know this is extremely stressful.

I am saddened because she is bright and talented. She is motivated and has a fun personality. She is giving. But, she is overlooked and sometimes considered "unimportant" because she doesn't speak up. She has trouble talking to people. I know that she is not trying to be rude when she doesn't answer someone. She is experiencing deep anxiety! I know how she feels.

So, from now on, I resolve to be content with who I am. I resolve to quit wishing to be different. I resolve to be who God created me to be. I resolve to serve God and make contributions to society -- quietly. I resolve to cherish my wonderful children, even if nobody else ever knows what treasures they are!

I resolve to be -- me.