Whose Approval Am I Seeking?

I got a rare moment to sit and read one night and I picked up a book that I have read several times. It is called Breathe -- Creating Space for God in a Hectic Life by Keri Wyatt Kent. I should say that I have started this book several times, and almost finished it several times but usually find myself too busy to get to the last page. Ironic, isn't it?? Anyway, it was just what I needed to read, and I hope you can relate to this character in some ways like I did. This excerpt is from chapter 3 entitled "Scattered."

Most people who knew Laura admired her. She seemed to always have time for others, even though she and her three young children kept very busy. She homeschooled her kids, her house always looked great, and she volunteered a lot of her time at church. She seemed to be able to get a lot done while staying calm and cool. Anytime someone needed a shoulder to cry on, Laura was there. 

Like many of us, Laura was a giver. She had been a Christian her whole life, and many people looked to her to meet their needs for advice, spiritual leadership, friendship, even help in parenting (or at least babysitting). 

Also like many of us, Laura had trouble saying no. She felt she ought to help others if she could, and as a result, she helped even if she really had too many other commitments.

In addition to helping others whenever they asked, she threw herself into her homeschooling tasks. She put the kids in extracurricular classes and activities to "enrich their experience."

She was involved in several ministries at her church, serving on various teams and committees, wherever there was a need.

She seemed to be the epitome of unselfishness -- always doing for others. Looking back, Laura says, no one really know the anger and resentment that bubbled below the surface. "I wanted to give people the perception that I was available," she says. "I said yes mostly to validate my importance." In other words, she was bearing burdens she was never meant to bear. And doing it because she thought it would please God.

Laura was adept to a calm appearance, when in reality she was full of emotions she didn't know how to process or even feel. 

If we are honest about our busyness, we'll admit that we're a lot like Laura: saying yes to every request because of what it does for our ego to to avoid feeling guilty, but feeling resentment about the way other people's needs crowd our schedules and drain our energy. We look like we've got it all together, but inside, we're scattered. Like Laura, many of us wrestle with our desire for significance, and we're scared that if we don't keep other people happy, we won't be important.